The Comedy Magazine

Headliner Kenny Kahn

"It is not easy being a lawyer. I'm also single and that makes it worse. To get a date I have to lie and say I'm a used car salesman."

"I'm from East Los Angeles. Everybody in my neighborhood was either Hispanic or Black, and I was the only Jew. I did not change that until I went to law school which is the natural habitat of the Jew."

"In East Los Angeles a Hispanic driver is stopped for only three reasons. First if the car he is driving is not a used Chevy. Second, if the registration is up to date and lastly if there is only one kid in the car."

"The presiding Federal judge in Los Angeles has a courtroom that is so massive he has to speak through a microphone. He often asks when I appear, 'Do you have anything to say before I pass sentence on your client?' I answer, 'Aren't we entitled to a trial first?'"

"This Federal judge is like God. I wish they would make him Pope. That way I would only have to kiss his ring."

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